070-1117 – Jumpspace

13 Salas 1117: Jumpspace

This morning we stayed in the bunk for a while after we got up. We had talked a bit more last night about my leaving Keystone; leaving my family and friends behind. It had hurt. I hadn’t thought about those memories for a long time. By the time I finished, I was sobbing. She held me until we both fell asleep.

I hadn’t wanted to disturb the mood, so I had just laid there in the darkness. I could tell she was awake too from her breathing, but she apparently wasn’t wanting to speak immediately either.

She was the first to break the silence. “I guess it’s my turn to share.”

I sighed and rolled over, putting an arm over her. “Hey, I’m not going to pry into your past. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does! It’s… part of why we are where we are.” She shoved my arm away and rolled over to face the far wall. There was a long pause.

“I knew someone,” she said, finally, with a catch in her voice. “In the corps. Things were pretty open there. Lots of tension. The constant realization that your next drop could be your last. So, you know, there was a lot of random fucking going on. The best way to ‘relieve tension,’ you know?”

“There was… someone. Silas. He was our comms specialist.” She laughed. “I have no idea why that is important. Everyone in the unit was sleeping with everyone else. Pretty much. It also ‘built trust in each other.’ That isn’t ‘official policy,’ but everyone knows it happens, and the people in command do nothing to discourage it. I… guess I get it. But… what Silas and I had was something… different. They discourage that but… it happens.”

She paused again. “We were on a drop. Not even a real one, just a training drop. Clustering training. That’s when we all try to land as close to each other as possible. It’s used when you’re dropping into a hot zone where you expect an immediate response.”

“Something… went wrong.” She paused again, and I could hear the tears in her voice. “Silas’ drop pod collided with someone else’s. Banda. I barely knew her. Things like that aren’t supposed to happen, but sometimes it does. Even computers make mistakes, you know?”

“It cracked his re-entry shield. Part of it split off. I heard his screams. Hells, all of us did; we were all on an open circuit. We couldn’t do anything. We were on a ballistic entry. No control over anything. We couldn’t do anything except… listen to him die.”

She was openly crying now. “Banda came to me when we were on the ground. She knew about us. Hells, everyone did. She tried to apologize. I…” She took a deep breath. “I started beating her. I didn’t care. I was screaming. The rest of the team managed to pull me off of her before I killed her, but… I would have.”

She rolled over to face me. “They gave me a choice, even though they didn’t have to. They could have court-matialed me. But, under the circumstances, they allowed me to simply not re-enlist at the end of my term. After that, I tried to find a berth least likely to put me in combat again. So I wound up here.”

“Then, I met you.”

She slid closer and leaned against my chest. “Derek… I love you. I swore that I would never say that to anyone, ever again. I couldn’t lose someone again. That’s why I avoid you on-planet. I need to tell myself that I’m not committed to anyone.”

“But now?” She pulled away again. “You’re getting yourself involved in things. You’re… attracting danger. And I can’t lose someone. Not again.”

It was my turn to look away.

“You could have told me that.”

“Would you have listened?”

“Yes! Of course!”

“Look. Am I jealous of Kona? Well… yeah. As long as you were just having random relations with someone, I could deal with it. I was doing the same, so I couldn’t say anything. But this one? Even I could tell it was different.”

“Yeah. It was. I’m… not sure what that means.”

“I can’t lose you. Not again. Not someone else. That’s why I don’t like how involved we’re getting into things. Why I don’t like you making yourself a target. And why… I’ve been angry with you lately.”

I rolled back over and put my arms around her. “I love you. I will never leave you. You know that.”

She leaned into me, and I could feel her tears on my cheek. “I know.”

—-

It was an hour or more later before we finally got out of the bunk and cleaned up. We had talked a lot more, and I knew things between us had changed. Part of me was glad but another part? I felt I had made the most significant change in my life since I had left Keystone all those years ago.

I had let her hit the fresher first and was about to head in myself when she stopped me. “Derek? One last thing.”

I turned from the door. “Yes?”

“Talk to Varan.”

I frowned. “He isn’t exactly happy with me right now.”

“Talk to him.” She entered the crew lounge and slid shut the door. I frowned, then headed to the fresher.

—

Later, when I left, the lounge was empty. I considered checking the bridge but decided Do’rex would be there, and nothing else would be going on, so I climbed the ladder to the passenger lounge.

That was a bit busier. Shelly was busy showing the Chelis and Drakson our VR setup while Director Morn had cornered Dr. Kovusar and was deep in conversation with her. Harvard Gains was near the front viewscreen, nursing a suspiciously early drink. I was only in my jumpsuit instead of my Captain’s jacket, but I walked up to him.

“How is your trip so far, Mr. Gains? Everything to your satisfaction?”

He nodded nervously and gulped his drink. “Yes. Everything is… fine.” He glanced back at me. “Is our… special cargo, OK?”

I unconsciously glanced upwards. “Gray? What is the status of the Sitama Biogenics special cargo?”

“Status is nominal, Captain” she replied, the response directed so only Gains and I would hear it. “Anything else?”

“No Gray, that’s it. Thanks.” I turned back to Gains. “You can ask the ship that yourself if you are ever worried. Her name is Gray. Just ask her, and she’ll tell you what is going on.”

He nodded and drained the rest of his drink. “Yes, yes. Of course. Thank you.” He downed his drink in a final gulp then looked around, finally handing the glass to me. “Can I…?”

I nodded in return. “Of course!” I took the glass and headed towards where Shelly was now handing headsets to the Takashina passengers. I held up the glass. “What is Mr. Gains having?”

She glanced at me in slight annoyance. “Another? He’s already had more than I usually have all day and it isn’t even 1000 yet!” I shrugged.

She sighed. “He’s doing Meltdowns. Can you get it? I’m… trying to get Takana and Harna here set up.”

I nodded. “Sure, thanks.” Harna waved as Shelly handed her the helmet and I turned to the dispenser.

I returned to Gains and handed him his drink. “Everything OK?”

He nodded but took the drink and drained half of it before responding. “Yes, thank you. And… thank you.”

I frowned. “Do I need to be worried about your cargo? You said it had been…”

“No, no, no… ” he said, waving his free hand. “It’s just that…” He glanced around to see if Ms. Morn was still talking to Dr. Korvusar. When he saw that she was, he leaned towards me.

“This isn’t our first chimera. The others… haven’t lived that long. We need this one to stay alive long enough to show to our investors, and they’re at Tlianke. We need it to stay alive that long.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So… it isn’t a danger to my ship?”

“What? No! I don’t think it would be a threat to you even if it was out of its crate and standing in front of you! It’s a test specimen for genetic modification technology. Basically, we’ve created a creature that can rapidly adapt to mutations in its system; meaning that we can introduce a genetic change into a small set of cells and have those changes rapidly spread completely through it. That way, we don’t have to induce fertilization in an individual using modified genetics and wait for it to grow to maturity.”

I nodded as if what he was saying had meant something to me. “Sounds… useful.”

He nodded. “Yeah. The problem is that genetic changes spread whether they were caused by us or if they were just because of a random mutation. And those are usually less than benign.”

“Got it.”

He leaned forward, enthusiastic to talk about his work. “Yeah, you see! They tend to pick up random mutations and die! Which doesn’t help! So I figured out how to engineer a specimen for heightened resistance to natural mutations! That makes it more likely that our changes will be able to propagate!”

He had been getting louder as he spoke, and Morn suddenly looked over. “Mr. Gains!”

He flinched. “Sorry! Sorry, Director.”

She strode quickly in our direction and glanced at the glass he was holding with a frown. “You know we can’t expense intoxicants, don’t you?”

He glanced between her and me. “Yes, but… I…”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Gains. It’s a service we extend to all of our passengers.”

“Still, it isn’t appropriate for a representative of Sitama Biogenics to enjoy themselves too much while in public!” She glared at him as she said that.

He visibly winced, then handed me his drink. “I think… I think I’ll go relax for a while.” He turned and headed for his cabin.

We both watched until his door slid shut. She then turned to me.

“I hope Mr. Gains wasn’t bothering you too much with his ramblings, Captain. I’ll make sure he understands the expected protocol when we next speak.”

“No, he wasn’t divulging company secrets, if that is what you are asking,” I said, though I knew I was lying. “I was asking if there was anything we needed to do for your cargo and he assured me it was fine.”

“I told you that when I came aboard!” She frowned at me.

“I wouldn’t be a good ship’s Captain if I didn’t continue to check up on my cargo, passengers, and their needs while in Jump. So, is there anything you need?”

She frowned further. “No. Everything is fine. Just… if Mr. Gains starts speaking above his pay grade again, please let me know.”

I hesitated but nodded. “Certainly, Director Morn.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Captain. Now, if you will excuse me?” She turned and went to Gain’s cabin and activated the annunciator. A few moments later, the door slid open, and she entered. When the privacy light came on, I shrugged and went over to where Dr. Korvusar was sitting.

“And how is your trip so far, Agent?”

I saw a brief tightening of her face, but by the time she had snapped her comp shut and looked up, she was back to normal. “Why, Captain Kodai! I’ve seen so little of you on this trip. I almost thought I would be able to catch up on my reading undisturbed. And… ‘Doctor’ will do fine.”

“Certainly. So… what do you think of our passengers this trip?”

“Why ask me?”

“Why not? Ever since I had one of them try to kill me, I’ve been a bit paranoid. I just assumed you would be keeping an eye on things as well.”

She regarded me for a moment, then looked around. “I don’t think you have to worry about the people you have here, Captain. All of them have their own agenda’s, but none of them intersect with yours.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“I’m more interested in hearing about your adventures on Gimisapun. I understand you found a derelict Solomani courier there? Did you find anything… interesting on-board?”

“A bunch of pharmaceuticals that I immediately sold for a very nice profit. And the local who had actually found it was more than happy to give them to me in exchange for gaining the ship for herself. I think we came out quite well in that exchange.”

She regarded me for a long moment. “Was that all you found? Just some cargo?”

I shrugged. “The computer had been wiped; we had to reload it from our own. While I’d love to be able to give you more details about what the Sols were doing around here 50 years ago, I’m afraid I can’t. They wiped whatever they were doing well before we found it.”

She continued to stare at me, and I returned her gaze. Eventually, she looked away, as I had known she would. I rarely lose at negotiations.

“We don’t know as much as we would like about Solomani operations in this sector,” she said finally. “I had hoped…” She sighed. “Well, if your friend Captain Ranis finds anything sensitive on that ship, I hope she knows enough to be careful with it.”

“I doubt she’ll care, she just wants the ship. The people who will be refitting it may find something, but I have no idea what they will do with what they find.”

She sighed and opened her comp again. “Hopefully they will just destroy it.”

“I doubt they would have any reason to hang on to it.”

“I hope you are correct, Captain. Now… would you mind bringing me another wine? Lost Dawn Release, I think your computer calls it.”

I nodded. “Certainly.”

I went to the dispenser, found the wine she was looking for, and pulled a copy. As I was waiting for it to dispense Shelly came up behind me.

“So… you and Saahna have worked out your problems?”

I picked up the glass and turned to her. “I didn’t realize our personal problems were the talk of the ship.”

She blushed. “Well, you know. People talk. Do’rex said that she was the happiest he has seen her in the past few months. I had assumed that meant that… well…”

I felt myself flush, though I didn’t know why. “Yeah… We… Talked through a few things last night.”

“Good,” she said nodding. “All of us knew you two just needed to talk. I’m not sure why that had never occurred to either of you.”

“Hey!”

She laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. We’re all still on both your sides.” She frowned. “Look, I know I’m the new person here…”

“Go on…”

She hesitated. “I can tell that all of you are… close. I get it. And I’m glad you let me in. But…”

“But what?”

There was another pause. “Varan is… kinda unhappy with you.” She quickly held up her hands. “Look, I know you’re the Captain, but…”

“But what?”

She looked away. “Just… talk to Varan. OK?”

What the hells? Saahna had said the same thing to me this morning. “OK, fine. I’ll talk to him. About what?”

“Just… talk to him.” She looked around. “Looks like Ms. Drakson is having some problems with her VR setup. I… need to go.” She quickly left.

What the hells? I repeated to myself. I looked around. Shelly was next to Ms. Drakson, but I couldn’t see that she had been having any problems. Director Morn and Mr. Gains were apparently still in his cabin, Mr. Lorentz was nowhere to be seen, and Ms. Cheilis was apparently fine. I shrugged and carried the wine glass I was holding back to Dr. Korvusar.

She barely acknowledged when I handed it to her. I stood there for a few moments then, when she didn’t look back up from her comp, went back to the ladder to the crew lounge.

—

When I got down, I saw Varan looking at the dispenser. I walked over.

“Everything OK?”

He looked at me and frowned. “You tell me?”

“From what I can tell, yeah. Everything is fine. What’s up?”

He turned back to the dispenser. “I hear you and Saahna made up.”

“I didn’t know I needed to make up with her but… yeah. We’re fine now.” I paused. “How about you?”

“Is that important?”

“Well, yeah!”

He held my gaze for a moment. “You know, there are other ships out there.”

The Hells? “Yeah, I know. There are other Stewards too. And other Gunners. Is that what this is about? You want to leave? Fine. Just leave then!”

I turned and started walking towards my cabin. I was almost to the door when he spoke again.

“Do you want me to leave?”

I stopped and turned back to him. “No! But I can’t keep double guessing everything I do on the off chance it pisses off part of my crew either! What the Hells do you want from me?”

That seemed to take him back. “You really don’t know?”

I was becoming angry. “If I did we wouldn’t be standing here like this!”

He looked at me for a long moment. He then glanced at the two bottles he was holding, at the door to his cabin, then back at me.

“OK,” he said. He went to the door to the cargo bay and waited as it slid open, then looked back at me. “Let’s do this.”

What? I shrugged. “Sure.” I followed him into the bay.

He made his way through the maze of containers until he reached a spot against the outer hull. It was tight; the hull here was more-or-less vertical, but two people could barely fit between the containers and hull comfortably.

He sat the beers he had been holding down and opened a panel in the outer wall. It was just a maintenance panel, designed to give access to a hull grid juncture, but we always joked that it was a smuggler’s cargo space. Not that it would take more than a few seconds for a Custom’s official to find it if we did try to hide anything there.

Well, anything actually illegal.

He reached into the panel and pulled out a bottle, then two cups. Handing me one cup, he opened the bottle and showed it to me. “Remember this?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I thought we had finished that off! How long has that been in there?”

“About a year or so. I was saving it for a special occasion.” He poured some of the scotch–real stuff, not fabricated–into my cup then poured a generous helping into his own. Re-sealing the bottle, he held up his cup to me.

“To the old days!”

I still wasn’t sure what he was getting at, but I held up mine as well. “The old days.”

He downed his cup in one gulp while I sipped mine. What is he getting at?

“Remember when we used to come down here?” he asked, refilling his cup.

I nodded. “Yeah. Drinking on-duty.”

“Did Captain Anna every figure it out?”

“Of course! Gray knows where everyone and everything is on-board. All she had to do was ask.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Yeah. For the longest time, I thought we were getting away with something down here. I was a bit upset when I found out we weren’t.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, you kinda led me to believe that.” He took a smaller gulp of his drink, topped off his cup, then re-closed the bottle.

“Remember when I came on-board?”

I thought. “Yeah. Maradin, wasn’t it? That was… 10 years ago?”

“Yeah, about that. I was 18. Never even been off-world before. And Captain Anna decided that I would be perfect for Steward.” He laughed. “I barely had time to go home and say goodbye to my family and friends before we took off.”

“She was obviously right. You’ve done pretty well.”

He hesitated and took another drink. “Yeah, I have. Thanks to you.”

“What?”

He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. “I was a kid from a mining planet. I had never been in space before. I had never been on a planet where I didn’t need a mask just to be able to breathe. I had never had to deal with people who hadn’t had the exact same experiences I had.”

“You helped me. Took me under your stabilizer. Taught me how to find my way around a startown. How to be polite to a passenger that I wanted to strangle. How to pick up someone in a startown bar the night before a lift. How… to be a Traveller.”

He looked back down at me. “Remember how it was? Me and you and whoever we had met on that planet? Or me and someone and you and Saahna if the two of you were talking at the time? That was us! Every planet! We were a team!”

He looked away again. “But then, you bought the ship and… it changed. Suddenly you weren’t one of us anymore. You’re out making deals with crime lords that affect multiple star systems, or you’re salvaging Solomani spy ships and making a few million credits as if it was an afterthought. And you’re doing it without us!”

His gaze turned back to me. “You were my friend. You were our friend. You were one of us! What happened to you?”

“Nothing! Nothing has changed! Hells, I gave everyone full shares, right? What is this?”

“You don’t hang out with us on-planet anymore! You don’t do stuff with us anymore! Hells, you haven’t even played Inquisitor with us for over a month! It’s like… now that you’re the Captain you don’t want to hang out with us!”

“No! It’s not that! It’s just that…” What was it, exactly? “It’s just that, I mean, I’m in charge now, and I…” I trailed off, realizing that I couldn’t answer my own question.

“I’m… working on deals and… things. You know,” I said, weakly.

He shook his head. “Yeah? And that means you can’t spend time with us?”

“What? No! I mean, well… I have to… do stuff. You know?”

“Yeah, sure you do.” He paused. “I guess there was a reason Captain Martin never hung out with anyone except Jacobs.”

“Well, yeah. No. Wait… what?”

He sighed. “Are you one of us? Or are you the Captain? Which is it?”

“We’re all in this together! I’m with you!”

“Are you?”

Was I? I considered my drink as I stopped to think. Had I changed?

“I wasn’t trying to exclude all of you…” I started.

“You did,” he interrupted.

I paused and sighed.

“That… wasn’t what I was doing.”

“Well… that’s what we’re seeing. Me. Saahna. Dor’ex. Even Jami and Shelly, and they haven’t been here that long. You used to be one of us. Now… you’re off doing things without us that we don’t find out about until it hits the local news-nets or you show up at the pre-lift meeting and tell us ‘oh, by the way…’. Have you thought about including us?”

“I tried to tell you on Boilingbrook! No one wanted anything to do with me!”

“Because Saahna and I were doing certifications! We didn’t want to tell you!”

I smiled tightly. “So… It’s OK for you to keep secrets, but…”

“That isn’t the same thing!”

“Oh?”

It was his turn to sigh. “OK, fine. Maybe we could have told you. But, we thought you were one of us then. Remember? We thought it would be a happy surprise, not a betrayal of trust!”

We glared at each other for a long moment. I was the first to speak.

“OK… Fine. Maybe… maybe I’ve been a bit too… insular. I’ll try to keep everyone involved with what I’m doing.”

“Well, why not just do it with us?”

“What?”

“Just, whatever you’re doing, do it with us! You know, like we used to?”

“I wasn’t running the ship before?”

“So? What would have changed if you had kept us in the loop? We’ve all told you that we probably would have supported you! Why didn’t you include us!”

I sighed. “I was trying to be the Captain.”

“And that means you can’t hang out with your old friends anymore?”

“What? No! I…”

“Listen…” He stepped closer. “Remember back on Venad, when you first took over as Captain? When Saahna broke up with you? That time because you were the Captain?”

“Well, yeah?”

“How did you feel?”

I remembered but tried to dismiss it. “Hey, that was hardly the first time she broke things off. Or even the most recent.”

“Yeah, but how did you feel?” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Derek, that’s how you’re making all of us feel!”

“What? No! I…” Had I cut everyone else off? I hadn’t…

“Look, after Boilingbrook…”

“Are you still hung up over that! Look, we…” He threw his hands up in the air. “Saahna and I wanted to surprise you with the certifications, so we didn’t want to tell you. That’s why we didn’t spend time with you there. Then everything happened with Gortor and Trakon. Then you hid away from everyone on Kupakii, and then ran off on your own at Gimisapun! You’re the one cutting yourself off from us!”

“What? No! I mean… I invited all of you to come along with me to meet that ‘Green’ guy!”

“And then we never saw you again! You could have commed us!”

“I…” I trailed off. I didn’t know what to say.

“Derek, I… looked up to you!” He put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re my best friend. Or maybe you just were. I don’t know anymore. You may own the ship now, but that doesn’t change anything. Or does it?”

I looked down at his hand, and he abruptly pulled it away.

“Sorry, I forgot. You’re…”

I waved it off. “Yeah, I know. I’m weird that way. But…” I trailed off. “I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“And we’re not avoiding you either!”

“So…” I paused. “What now?”

“Just include us! Be our friend again. That’s all we’re asking.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that works.” I held out a hand. “I’ll do better.”

He smiled and took it. “Glad to have you back, Derek.”

“I hadn’t realized I was gone.” I held up a hand as he started to say something. “But I guess I was.” I drained my own cup and held it out. “How much of that bottle is left?”

We spent the next few hours sitting on the floor of the cargo bay, talking about jumps long past and slowly finishing off the bottle. When we got back to the crew lounge, Carma was there talking to Saahna, but she immediately broke off her conversation and headed towards us.

“Where the Hells have you been!” She looked from Varan to me. “Have you been yelling at Varan again!”

Varan glanced at me, rolled his eyes, then took her arm.

“No! Derek… the Captain and I were just reviewing the cargo storage. Routine. Come on, let’s get something and relax for a bit.” He led her to the dispenser as Saahna came up to me.

“‘Reviewing cargo storage’? That’s a new one.”

“There was an unsecured bottle of natural scotch. We had to make sure it was properly disposed of.”

She sighed and shook her head. “So… I guess you and Varan have drunk away your differences then?”

“It seems.”

“Good.” She put her arms around me and leaned against my shoulder. “Welcome back, Derek.”

I returned the embrace and nodded. “It’s good to be back.”