2 Salas 1117: Jumpspace
I was coming downstairs from the passenger lounge when I saw Varan and Carma at the dispenser. I decided I had delayed this long enough and walked over.
“OK…” I said without preamble. “What the hells is it you want to say to me?”
He stood for a long moment, looking at the dispenser’s display, then turned slowly to look at me. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Captain.” He kept his voice level.
I sighed. “You know I’m better at this than you, so don’t give me the aggravated, hurt, innocent act. Let’s just have this out. Now.”
“What about Carma?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what you’ve been telling her. Or what Commander Winters told her. Or what she has heard. I don’t care. I have a ship to run. You’re mad at me? Fine. I can take that. I just need to know what the hells it is you want so we can get operations back to normal.”
He sighed loudly, but it was Carma who spoke. “Varan’s been telling me all the danger you’re putting him in! You’re the one who needs to get ‘operations back to normal’ instead of him!”
I turned to her. “I’m sorry, Ms. Quarez, but this is a crew matter. If you wouldn’t mind…”
“What does that have to do with it!” Varan snapped suddenly. “Dr. Korvusar comes to all our crew meetings! Shelly was a passenger and came to our meetings, then you hired her! Why the hells not invite Carma to one? Or are you still handing out secrets?”
I gritted my teeth. “Listen, how many times…”
“…have you asked what else you could have done? I know.” He was obviously angry, and the words were pouring out. “Let me tell you what you could have done. You could have told your friend ‘Jestin’ that you didn’t want to have anything to do with him after you delivered that datastick to him. You could have told your mystery visitor that you wouldn’t plant that sensor for him. Or, you could have done it without telling anyone about it if you were that desperate for one more High passenger. You could have not bothered to look for that person on Kupakii, whoever they were. Or you could have just left Sir Gortor alone and tossed him out of the airlock later! But no… You had to get yourself involved in politics because you thought it would make you important or something.”
He looked around the lounge in what I recognized as an attempt to collect his thoughts. I started to say something, but he held up a hand and turned back to me.
“Who are we working for? Really?”
I frowned. “Us? Me, if you really want to get technical. But we’re all on equal shares now, so we’re all in this together.”
“Are we?” He stepped forward, earnestly. “Look, I’m good as a Steward, and I’m starting on Gunnery. Those are both marketable skills. A lot of ships want those. Do you know why I stayed with us?”
I was a bit taken aback by that. “You aren’t happy here?”
“I was,” he almost shouted. “I’ve had other ships approach me. But I stayed here. Do you know why? Because we were only responsible for ourselves! And I knew as long as that was true, we wouldn’t do anything that would hurt us.”
He stepped uncomfortably close. “But now? Who are we working for?”
I felt myself flush, becoming angry. “We work for us! Who the hells else do you think we’re working for?”
He stepped back, a self-satisfied smile on his face. “Boilingbrook? They’re our subsidy holders now, so we’ll have to do what they want. Dr. Korvusar? She admits that she’s only here because her ‘computer models’ want her to be. What happens when those models want us to do something? And whoever these people your friend ‘Jestin’ connected us to? What happens when they want something? Or when one wants something that the other doesn’t.”
He turned back to the dispenser. “We aren’t responsible for ourselves anymore. We’re at the whims of other parties, who may not have our best interests in mind.” He pulled out a pair of drinks then turned back to me. “That is the problem here.” He turned back to Carma. “Your cabin or mine?” he asked in a false, light-hearted voice.
Carma looked between him and me, then nodded. “Yeah, sure. We’ll… just go back to yours.” She turned to me with a frown. “You’ve really upset Varan. Do you get it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I got it.” I turned to leave.
“Do you?” I heard Varan behind me.
I turned back. “I said, ‘I got it.’ What more do you need?”
“For you to say what you’re going to do about it?”
I sighed. “Let me think, OK?”
He shook his head. “Yeah, that’s your answer then.” He looked to Carma. “Let’s get out of here.” The two of them returned to his cabin.
When the door slid shut, I sighed. He wasn’t… wrong as such, but things were a lot more complicated than he seemed to think. If the galactic situation was really going as far down as it appeared, then we needed all the friends we could get.
But… did that mean giving up too much of our independence as a Free Trader. I frowned at that. I’d have to think some more.
I turned back to the bridge. I’d probably spend the rest of the day watching vids, but I would be thinking as well.
What did I really want to do? And was what I wanted the best I could do for my friends and my ship? I… had to think.